My name is Fa Mulan
by BettyBeta
Summary: Mulan POV. Slightly AU. Instead of being injured across the torso, Shan Yu's blade catches her arm as she guards herself. Therefore she is not found to be a woman. Rated M for My Muse is entirely indecisive and has no idea when things Might get steamy. Or violent.
1. Chapter 1

She was intelligent. That was the problem. Far too witty and clever for China. She was supposed to be silent and beautiful; passive and obedient. Being an opinionated and strong willed was frowned upon. Her family tried to make her into the perfect China doll, while attempting to hide the woman she was becoming. When she was told that she would never be a perfect bride she wasn't surprised. In fact, if it were not for the dishonor she knew the news would bring upon her family, she would have been fine - happy even. She knew that she would never be truly happy with anyone the matchmaker might have put her with. Try as she might, there was no hiding her strong personality.

Taking her father's place in the army was actually the best thing that could have happened to her. While she wasn't particularly active by nature, the army allowed her to speak her mind. To be taken seriously. To secretly gawk at her commanding officer. He certainly was nice to look at, and she'd finally gained his trust. It had taken time, and effort, but it had been worth it. She'd even gotten a smile from him once or twice. It was nice to be approved of.

Keeping her gender a secret certainly wasn't the easiest thing to do. Especially with all the men around either telling stories about what they had done with various women, or walking around naked like it was perfectly ordinary. They expected the same of her, and while she clearly couldn't comply with the latter, she occasionally took her best stab at the former.

"...So then when we were done I said 'babe if you weren't a whore I would have married you a long time ago.' Haha. I don't think she liked that much. Oh well, its not like she won't let me have her again once the war is done," said one of the men.

"Ping, you're next. When was the last time you bedded a woman?" Said another.

"Uh, well..." She started, using the deeper voice that she adopted while in their company, "um let's see. There's been so many its hard to keep track... Um... There was this woman, yeah, and she was... Uh... Quiet? Yes. And...erm... Obedient? Yes. Did what I told her to do. It was quite pleasurable." She hoped that was enough to sound plausible. She hadn't been well informed about what happened between man and woman in that situation. Her mother had given her the briefest of replies when she was younger and the topic hadn't been brought up since. It probably never would now that the matchmaker had deemed her unfit to marry. Not to mention this. Spending all this time unsupervised with this many men? If she survived, she'd be lucky if she wasn't sold to a whore house upon her return.

Lost in thought she didn't hear the men around her prod her for more details.

"She was quiet huh? Must have been doing something wrong, Ping," said one.

"Or at least had a bad whore," interjected another as he elbowed his neighbor.

"Huh? Yea, must have," she replied as she watched Shang stride up to the group.

* * *

Unexpected stories are unexpected. Anyways, the characters aren't mine. I'm just taking them out to play for a while.


	2. Chapter 2

The group's conversation continued to fade into the background. Though she was sure she heard one of them ask not so quietly of she was a virgin. Of course she was, but Ping wasn't. Or maybe he was. She hasn't exactly thought her fake-man-self all the way through. Would they question her more if they thought Ping to be a virgin? She wasn't quite sure what was expected of her on this area. As a woman she knew what was expected of her, but as a man? She knew the rules were different, but she wasn't sure if it would be normal for a man of Ping's age to be inexperienced. What if they stopped along they way at a pleasure house? Would it be suspicious if she declined?

"Hey!" Shang's voice interrupted her thoughts, " what are we talking about?"

"Oh you know, man stuff," said Mulan unenthusiastically in her Ping voice.

She liked Shang. She really did, and not just as a leader. He was tough, but caring; stoic yet somehow comical. Her heart always quickened in his presence and she longed for the days before they were trudging through snow. He didn't take his shirt off anymore, and she missed the occasional surprise of him being half naked during training.

She was staring. Shit, she hadn't meant to.

He had noticed. Son of a mother fucking monkey. He had already been looking at her strangely these past few days. This certainly wasn't going to help.

"Right," said Shang, "we should continue on. We aren't far and I want to get to the General before night fall."

He got up and left rather quickly after that.

* * *

Super short chapter today. Sorry guys. I'm guessing it'll be close to two weeks before there is another one. I have family coming out and I'm doing all of this from my phone.

Apologies

-Charlie


	3. Chapter 3

I'd like to make mention here, before I get uneducated angry reviews, that I did some research on ancient China and was surprised in that before the 1700's homosexuality was considered normal. Men were still expected to marry women for procreation, but having a lower ranking male around for sexual purposes was not out of the norm. There was even a type of marriage for men. From what I understand, it had an implied expiration date for the men to separate and then marry women for the purpose of having children. I don't know about you lovely people, but I am pleasantly surprised by this information. It changes my storyline a little bit, but I will gladly adjust for the sake of my beloved realism. *end of mini preemptive rant*

-Charlie

* * *

The smell was overpowering. Mulan was suddenly grateful for the cold, she couldn't imagine how much worse the air would smell if there hadn't been a layer of freshly fallen snow on the ground.

The village had been burned, and the villagers along with it. Burned wood, gunpowder, charred human and animal remains, together the whole area reeked of death. Broken and burnt buildings were in smoldering heaps on the ground. Businesses, stables, houses, and farms. People with families and lovers and lives of their own.

They had been too late.

This wasn't how any of them had expected to find this particular village. They were supposed to meet up with the general and his well trained army. They were supposed to be back up. They were supposed to be there to show the hun army that China's army was practically infinite.

The battlefield was a different kind of horrible than the village had been. There was blood everywhere, staining the snow in patches of dark crimson and swipes of pale pink. Severed body parts were scattered here and there, frozen in the snow. The faces of the soldiers were still recognizable. It was harder to look at the men lying dead in the snow. They still looked like people. She couldn't blurr her eyes and pretend they were part of a burnt building like she had back in the village. Though, she was thankful that the sickening smell of burnt meat hadn't followed them down to the battlefield.

Just from her brief look, she could tell that the huns had not lost nearly as many here as the Chinese army had. China's army, the real one, the one with experienced and well trained soldiers, had been decimated.

When Chan Po came back with the General's helmet, her heart sank. Both for the fate of China and for Shang. She hadn't spent much time with the General, but she still took the loss quite personal. He was Shang's father. He mattered, because Shang mattered. For the first time, she realized just how much Shang meant to her.

She had known for some time that she found Shang attractive. The sudden realization was surprising, not to mention alarming. Her focus had been to save her father, to bring honor to her family, albeit through a dishonorable and dangerous way. She hadn't intended to develop an infatuation with anyone. Much less her commanding officer who didn't even know her real name! She didn't want to feel this way about anyone. If she were to be truly and brutally honest with herself, she was happy with the matchmaker's assessment. She had never wanted a man, or a woman for that matter, in anyway beyond ordinary platonic friendship. These feelings were foreign and completely terrifying.

Regardless, she wanted to console him. She wanted to hold him, and put his face in the crook of her neck, and tell him it would all be ok. And on top of it all she wanted to put her fist through some wall. She knew how to fight men, but not how to reconcile her feelings for one.

She wouldn't risk holding him though. As much as she wanted to hold him, she didn't trust herself to not want more. While she didn't think that Shang was interested in men, she could be wrong. The topic hadn't come up. Now, of all times, was not the time to be thinking of wanting physical attention from Shang. Not only was he someone that she had to hide her true gender from, but he just found out that his father was dead! She chastised herself for being so self centered as she walked over to Shang.

His face showed more sorrow than she had expected him to display. It surprised the little eloquence that she had out of her. As she fumbled around for the proper words in her head, her mouth settled on a simple "I'm sorry."

* * *

So there it is. Longer than I expected but not as long as I wanted it to be. And yes I'm going to just leave that dirty joke in the making there for whoever wants it.

Reviews are lovely and a good way for me to get a bead on what you lovely people think so far, and what you may want to happen in the story.

-Charlie...again


End file.
